It’s My Birthday

fireworks red

Today is my birthday and I realized that this is the first birthday where I feel the most at ease and comfortable in my own skin. Sure, that doesn’t mean sometimes I feel cruddy or less than, but most days I feel confident and beautiful… and it hit me:

I’m starting my 28th year stronger than ever!

I mean that in all meanings of the word, stronger physically, mentally, emotionally, and most importantly of all spiritually. I still have a long way to go with all of these things, especially spiritual, but I know I will continue to make progress each and every day.

This is so hard to put to words, but the short version is that I am completely confident in myself now. I feel like a new person this year as I celebrate my birthday. I feel more self-sufficient in all aspects. I’m trying to get a business up and running, and am making slow but steady progress with that even with chaos and upheaval in my everyday life.

I no longer feel the need to feel justified or acknowledged by other people most of the time. If I did something right or did something for someone else, I don’t feel hurt if no one notices. I still want to be appreciated but what I’m doing is for myself or for other people and every little thing doesn’t need to be acknowledged unless I feel like doing so for myself.

For the first time in my life, I’m getting closer to being a “go with the flow” kind of person. I say “so what if this or that happens…” I will adjust accordingly and handle it as best I can. I will take things as they come, take one step at a time. I will get where I want to go if I just keep moving forward and putting forth my best effort!

The transformation that has been occurring to my body and mind over the past sixteen months is so much bigger than I ever imagined it would be. I’m so proud of myself. Not in a self-centered way, I’m still the same person that wants to help others and be there for my loved ones, but proud because it takes a LOT of hard work to get from where I started to where I am now. I might still have a long road in front of me, but life is a continuous journey.

Another thing is, I’m not afraid to work hard on things that matter to me. I gave up too easy before when things got hard. I had absolutely no faith in myself. Now I have the most faith in myself out of anyone. It might take me time to tackle some things, even just deciding to do it, but the thought occurs to me, “You want this so bad, why not do your best to figure it out?” more often. Sometimes I may not be able to get it done but I won’t know unless I try.

This transformation is so monumental to me because I have spent all of my life feeling self-conscious and having low self-esteem. Some of this confidence comes from a few years ago when I realized that my being overweight didn’t mean I wasn’t beautiful, but most of it has happened since I started focusing on my health last May.

So I want to leave you with this thought… If you’re feeling low or struggling in some form or another, you also have this strength inside you and you too can find it and be stronger than ever! It takes a lot of work, as I mentioned and I’m not going to lie about that, but you are strong and powerful and once you realize that, you will accomplish so much!

~Bonnie~

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